living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
