But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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