Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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