I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The best revenge is premature balding
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
