dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
