I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
