so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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