I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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