The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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