Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
