grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
