A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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