the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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