she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
