U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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