I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
