new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
