so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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