thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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