if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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