I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just puked in a chiliโs bathroom... happy birthday to me
a day off where I donโt get laid would be worthless
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
