I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
