wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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