So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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