he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize