we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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