Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize