I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
