Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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