Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
