I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
