After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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