how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
