When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
