so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
