Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
