I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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