shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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