Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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