I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
