Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
