He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
