The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
