Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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