I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
