So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
