so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
