Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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