I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
