Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Green mimosas i think yes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
