Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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