It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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