i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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