My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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