OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
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I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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