his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
