I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
