i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We have started to decorate penises.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
