I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
