you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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