actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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