Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
