am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
honey bunches of taint.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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