turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
