Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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