Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
