Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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