I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
