Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love you.
Bad choice
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
