Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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