my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
