Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
