It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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