My room smells like vodka and shame
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
