Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
